A song that came at the right time...

Beautiful Day by U2

The heart is a bloom Shoots up through the stony ground There's no room No space to rent in this town You're out of luck And the reason that you had to care The traffic is stuck And you're not moving anywhere You thought you'd found a friend To take you out of this place Someone you could lend a hand In return for grace It's a beautiful day Sky falls, you feel like It's a beautiful day Don't let it get away You're on the road But you've got no destination You're in the mud In the maze of her imagination You love this town Even if that doesn't ring true You've been all over And it's been all over you It's a beautiful day Don't let it get away It's a beautiful day Touch me Take me to that other place Teach me I know I'm not a hopeless case See the world in green and blue See China right in front of you See the canyons broken by cloud See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out See the Bedouin fires at night See the oil fields at first light And see the bird with a leaf in her mouth After the flood all the colors came out It was a beautiful day Don't let it get away Beautiful day Touch me Take me to that other place Reach me I know I'm not a hopeless case What you don't have you don't need it now What you don't know you can feel it somehow What you don't have you don't need it now Don't need it now Was a beautiful day

Just a simple poem...

Don't wake me if I'm dreaming...I see the black hole sun setting in the sky and thousands of starfish coming out to play. Your eyes dance at me as they stare with such uncomplicated candor. Your lips always pulled back in a sinister grin. I want your kisses to always feel as if Cupid hit me straight between the eyes. The strength of your touch quiets me in ways saved for death. A change has come to help me find my way. Sing me a song of neverending sadness and make it feel like a trip to Disney World. Come with me, away from the world to a place where we can walk and talk and play and dance. Sit with me by the ocean blue and tell me that you can't wait for days gone by and happenstance. Tell me that tomorrow is the yesterday of today. Take me out for ice cream and smile when I get brain freeze. Lay with me in the grass and talk to the clouds. They're listening to hear our wandering hearts. Save the next dance for me.

Rainy day...

As I lay looking out the window and the rain hitting the panes of glass, my mind starts to race. Rain should mean rebirth, the feeling of making everything new by washing away all of the negativity and sadness. Making you feel as though you've just woken up. Not today, today the rain clouds my head. It makes me want to pull the covers over my head and stay there until I feel I can face the world again.
Don't you remember how safe you felt as a child? Hiding under the covers...away from the chores, or your parents, or the boogeyman. You were safe and secure and warm there. It was your safe place. It was simple. Then as an adult, you forget about your safe place. You forget to use your imagination, you forget what it's like to just love without question, you forget to take the time to just give a hug. I want time to stop still so I can remember. So I can remember the innocense, capture it, and bring it back to me. So I have the desire to get up tomorrow and start all over again.

Sometime around midnight...

She opens up her eyes; a half drunk glass of wine is in front of her. A clove still burning in a Deadbear ashtray. Her emerald eyes stir with the sound of running water in the background. As her head lifts up, her eyes focus on the gentleman sitting in the corner. "How long have I been out", she says to herself. As she picks up the cigarette to take a drag, a hand comes from behind her to grab it from her. With one flash, she's blinded by the smoke that's exhaled. "Who are you?" The voice tells her," Your imagination". "My what?" she thinks to herself. "Am I dreaming? No, if I was dreaming I'd probably be either naked or at least have better hair..." She gets up to meet her figure, still not being able to see a face. As she lights another cigarette, she realizes the figure in front of her has asked the gentleman in the corner whether or not we should tell her. "Tell me what?" Now with her head equally spinning from her drag of clove, or the wine still sitting in her glass, she feels the tension. "What exactly is going on here?" As she feels both figures on her she gets nervous and knows the only way to get out of this is to ask the question, "What time is it?" But the answer is already known even before asking. It's sometime around midnight...and will soon be too late...

Backwards

On any given day, I wish I could take my life and live it by walking backwards. Everything that comes flooding at me on a daily basis would have to just stay right where it is, I could completely assess them all because I would have the time walking away from but still concentrating. I would see the answer before the question. I could catch myself before I trip over myself. I can walk away from someone before they walk away from me.
If we all looked at something from the other side than what we're used to, wouldn't that be essentially doing it backwards?
My constant meandering consists of thoughts such as these, but today for some reason are getting so lost. I feel lost and unsure of anything I'm feeling. I feel like the rug I'm standing on is going to get sawed from underneath like in the cartoons and I'm just going to be left to fall into an abyss of misguided decisions and promises never kept. I'm tired of everything being put on my shoulders and not being able to live the way I want to live. I feel as though my body and mind are disattached from each other. I feel bound; my hands, feet, mouth, by metallic silver duct tape so that I feel completely helpless. And I'm not sure if the fear is being kept feeling this way; or by the sting, once I've decided the tape needs to be ripped off. Pain is just how you perceive it, so I say...rip off piece by piece, in fact I say rip it off slowly so I can feel each piece make it's mark. I will embrace my perception and become stronger to the fact that being on the outside looking in is a great way live backwards.

Perfect timing....

I've discovered Pandora recently. You know the online radio station where you create the station. I'm absolutely convinced that it can read minds...well at least read mine. When I'm feeling New agey...the Enigma station. When I'm feeling angsty...Into the Void station. As I'm writing this blog, I'm listening to the Enigma station...but up comes Duran Duran, Come Undone. This is a great song and a interesting question; Who do I need when I come undone? The only person I love when I come undone is myself, because I feel me. All of me, just being alive and able to feel again. I will never once lose any feeling I have ever again. No one will ever tell me I should feel a certain way or that it's not right to feel the way I do. I have this amazing ability to grasp and understand feeling; I had thought I had lost. What I realized is that I never lost anything...I just forgot. I forgot to trust myself. I forgot to love myself. I forgot to even like myself. I didn't have to force myself to remember...I just had to wipe the sleep out of my eyes. I had to flip open the shades. I had to forgive.

I forgive you...I forgive you for holding me back. I forgive you for making me feel I don't deserve to be happy. I forgive you for not letting me dance and sing. I forgive you....

But never again. Never again will I sleepwalk through my life. I will run full force into the fire and feel every bit of the burn. And what a lovely way to feel....on fire.