Feelings of numbness...

I don't know what to feel. I don't know how to feel...yeah, that's more like it. I have started over...so to speak and I'm at the begining. But where do I begin? My dreams are more replays of the past. My future is an open book. I want to start writing stories..happy, sad, angry, passionate....but I need an opening line. I sit and wonder about life, and love and I don't know what any of it should feel like anymore. I'm lost...quasi numb to everything that is around me. I have so much to say and nothing to say at all. I let my eyes speak...but they can't be seen while hidden under a veil of fear. What is it that makes me fear living? Why can't I just concentrate on what is important, what I should hold high in esteem and let no one put assunder. My spirit feels tarnished and false to what is truly underneath. I don't want to be saved; but how do I start saving myself?